Do you love the holidays?
Are you filled with excitement for the coming festivities?  

It’s ok if your answer is no. Most people will say no. 

Why? Aren’t the holidays the happiest time of the year? A time to see family and friends, eat delicious food, give and receive thoughtful gifts, and get some restful time off work?

Well, it should be. But it almost never works out that way….right?

Many of us end up stressed, overworked, under-rested, and overwhelmed with everything we have to do. What could be fun – choosing a gift for someone we love – becomes a chore.

What could be a special treat – decorating the tree, making special cookies or treats – gets pushed to the last second. Where we have the opportunity to see family and friends, we instead feel the stress of seeing family and friends. 

We deny ourselves the small pleasures because we are so
focused on getting through the holidays.

Quite often, we forget to have FUN. 

Guess what? It doesn’t have to be that way. 

There are lots of ways to better handle – and even (gasp!) enjoy the holidays. And contrary to what you might see or read elsewhere, it doesn’t necessarily involve simpler recipes, pared down gift lists, hyper-scheduled events, or other gimmicky tricks.

My suggestion is much more simple: Follow the Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom.

“Transform your life. When you refuse to take things personally, you avoid many upsets in your life. Your feelings of anger, jealousy – and even your sadness – will simply disappear if you don’t take things personally.”

This simple book and separate card deck has the power to change one’s life, in how it “exposes self-limiting beliefs and presents a simple yet effective code of personal conduct learned from [Don Miguel Ruiz]’s Toltec ancestors. Full of grace and simple truth.” Amazon

These are the Four Agreements: Don’t take anything personally, Always do your best, Be impeccable with your word, and Don’t make assumptions. Today I am focusing on: Don’t take anything personally.

Let’s break it down: 

Don’t take anything personally: “Ignore the opinion of others. Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don’t take it personally. Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so whatever they think about you is not about you, but it is about them”.

Maybe your Aunt Mabel teases you about being vegan; or perhaps your in-laws don’t approve of how you celebrate with your own children; or maybe it’s your partner who never quite loves their gift as much as you hoped they would.

It’s ok. It might sting, but if you make an agreement with yourself not to take anything personally, it lasts but a second. 

Don’t take anything personally: “Be immune to others’ opinions. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

Aunt Mabel may be taking your eating habits personally, since it means you won’t touch her special mashed potatoes or pecan pie. How else can she share her love with you and feel proud for contributing?

The In-laws could be taking it personally that you’re not raising your children exactly as they raised your partner. Does that mean you don’t think they’re good parents, or even worse, that they screwed up their child? 

And your partner? Well maybe s/he is not taking anything personally but just being their authentic self. Isn’t it best if your partner feels fully comfortable being themselves without having to fake emotion for your approval?

The point is that it’s not always about you. In fact, it’s almost never about you. 

Don’t take anything personally: “Relinquish self-importance. Personal importance or taking things personally is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about me.”

Spend some quality time with Aunt Mabel and really listen to her stories. Give her your time instead of mashed potato loyalty. And maybe throw in an extra hug?

Instead of focusing on what you do differently, engage your in-laws about your partner’s youth; encourage the story-telling and memory sharing, and share your own. Reinforce the sense of pride and happiness you feel in doing things your own way while still appreciating the way it is done by others. 

Be extra grateful to your partner for the gift they gave you. Let them know how wonderful it feels to receive a gift of love. Remember: What you put out is what you get back.  

Don’t take anything personally. “Refuse to eat emotional poison. Taking things personally makes you prey for predators. They can hook your attention with one little opinion, and feed you whatever poison they want. Refuse to eat poison!”

I am not suggesting that Aunt Mabel, your In-Laws, or your partner is trying to ‘poison’ you. I am suggesting that regardless of their motive, you don’t take it personally. Breathe it in, breathe it out, let it go. Don’t take anything personally. 

When we don’t take things personally, we are better able to move past obstacles and enjoy the moment. Too much time is wasted in worrying about what was said or done, and how it makes us feel. And often, the picture we paint is not very accurate, since we see from only our own view.

Look beyond that. See the whole picture. Let other people do and say things that are not about you. Give them a chance to be themselves. Be kind to yourself. And keep on loving. 

Don’t take anything personally: “Release self-judgment. Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true; Therefore, you don’t need to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally.”