*continued from last week:

Always do your best. 

“Practice makes the Master. By doing your best over and over, you can master the art of transformation. By doing your best, the habits of misusing your word, taking things personally, and making assumptions will become weaker and less frequent with time.”

Let me tell you a story. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been terrible at wrapping gifts. I can’t explain it, as it seems like something I should enjoy. After all, I’m a crafter, quilter, and sewist. Isn’t gift wrapping like crafting 101? 

Some people wrap gifts with perfect corners, fancy ribbon, and extravagant tags. Not me. I keep it simple and avoid wrapping paper at all costs.

Don’t even get me started on ribbon.

One year I worked in busy retail store over Christmas because I thought it would be fun (Please note – it wasn’t). Guess what they offered? Free gift wrapping. And guess who had to wrap gifts for complete strangers after they spent lots of precious money on the perfect gift? ME. Yes, me. How unfair!

I was reminded of all the times I’d told my friends and family “I would never take a job wrapping gifts because I’m no good at it and I hate doing it!” Ha! Too bad. There I was, taping corners and curling ribbon. How did that happen?

I definitely cursed my way through wrapping most of those gifts. I may have even cried one time (YOU try wrapping a Bumbo seat in its ridiculous hexagonal box without ripping the paper!). 

Once, I spent about 10 minutes wrapping a gift I shouldn’t have even tried to wrap, for someone who was definitely not grateful for the time I took to please her. It did not look perfect even with a big bow, but it was the best I could do. When I took it up to her, she looked a little disappointed. I guess the package was not as beautifully wrapped as she’d hoped. 

“Do your best because you want to. You do your best when you are enjoying the action or doing it in a way that will not have negative repercussions for you. You do your best because you want to do it – not because you have to do it, not because you are trying to please the judge, and not because you are trying to please other people.”

I felt bad for a few moments, disappointed by my inability to please all holiday shoppers with unreal expectations. And then – I had a moment of clarity: “Well I did my best, and if she doesn’t like it, she can re-do it herself. It is, after all, complimentary gift wrapping. I did the best I could and if it’s not good enough for her, that’s too bad.”

Always do your best.

It sounds so simple, almost childish. My best? Your best? How about just doing ‘The Best’? Why can’t we do that?

I spent a good portion of my life thinking this way; that there was One Supreme Version of anything and everything that was labeled ‘The Best.’ Not ‘your best’ or ‘my best’, but ‘The Best.’ The ultimate sign of perfection. 

Needless to say, this has been a long-standing point of struggle for me. I want things to be perfect. I want to do the best. I want to be the best. And guess how that’s working out for me?

“Don’t overdo. Always do your best, but don’t overdo! When you overdo, you deplete your body and go against yourself, and it will take you longer to accomplish your goal.”

Always Do Your Best, in any given moment, under any and every circumstance. Your best will change from moment to moment, day to day. That’s ok. It’s normal.

My best is not measured by your best, and your best isn’t measured by ‘The Best.’ It’s individual, ever-changing, and fluid.

Always doing your best doesn’t mean you strive for perfection. It means you do as good as you can every.single.time.

“Your best is changing all the time. Your best will depend on whether you are refreshed in the morning or tired at night. Your best will be different when you are happy as opposed to upset, or healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.”

While working in retail I was in charge of arranging weekly window displays. Great gig for a creative person. One week, I was given carte blanche to make a Christmas window display. Now that was pretty exciting!

After an hour of artfully arranging the most beautiful items at the perfect angles in just the right spots in the window, I was done. And it looked great! I was so darn proud of my creation, I was beaming. 

When I returned to work after the weekend, my window display was gone. Changed. Completely taken apart and replaced with one single (boring!) item. 

Immediately, I felt slighted and embarrassed of the effort I’d put into that window. Why was I given carte blanche in the first place? Wasn’t that a huge waste of time for me to arrange the window only to have it dismantled within 48 hours?

Don’t they know how much time, effort, and LOVE I put into that window display? I had done my very best!

I never found out who changed it or why. I was too offended by what they’d done. That was ART, people, and you just threw it away! (Who me, dramatic?!)

I took it personally. I felt like a failure because I’d done my best and it wasn’t good enough. 

But it wasn’t personal. Despite having done my best on the window display, it wasn’t what the boss had in mind. And since it was their store, not mine, they had every right to change it. 

Does this mean My Best wasn’t good enough? No. Does it mean My Best is crappy? No. Does it make me a failure? Heck No! It means someone had a different idea about what should be done so they did it. It wasn’t about me or my feelings; it wasn’t personal. It was just one decision.

Sometimes we do our best and it’s not ‘good enough’ for someone else. I know how much this can hurt, especially as a recovering perfectionist. But if you always do your best, and don’t take anything personally, things begin to shift.

“Take action without expecting a reward. Do your best and take the action because you love it, not because you are expecting a reward. When you take action without expecting a reward, you enjoy every action, an you can even receive greater rewards than you imagined.”

Turns out, I had done my best while expecting a reward. I’d wanted recognition, fanfare, high-fives at least. I wanted to be The Window Display Maker with The Very Best Windows. I let my ego lead, and look where it got me: Sad, disappointed, and offended.

When I chose to see the situation as it truly was – me doing my best but someone ultimately making a different decision – it didn’t hurt nearly as much. It went from being all about me and oh-so-pitifully-painful to just being something that happened. Easy Peasy.

“Take your life and enjoy it. You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it. You were born with the right to be happy, to love, and to share your love. Just to be – to take a risk and enjoy your life – is all that matters.”

Using the Four Agreements book and card deck has been a total game-changer for me. It has improved relationships with myself and others, and provides me with constant learning and personal growth. There is no situation where the Four Agreements don’t apply.

This holiday season, look for opportunities to do your best. Give because you want to. Have fun wherever you can. Spread love to whoever needs it. Don’t worry about the reward, the recognition, or the ego boost. Let go of your expectations and always do your best because it feels good that way. Because it’s the right thing to do. 

Always do your best.